Crime and Punishment
by Settiai
Summary: Sometimes the punishment is the reason for the crime. :: Lucas/Tony


". . . and what did the captain do? He ordered me to be a glorified baby-sitter! For you!" Tony Piccolo threw up his arms in disgust, leaning back against one of the cave's walls as he continued his rant. "Why couldn't he have asked me to keep an eye on that cute lieutenant who ended up coming with the first group?"

Lucas Wolenczak rolled his eyes as he climbed out of the shallow pool in the middle of the cave, resisting the urge to glance back at the small tunnel they had swam through to get there. He pulled off his breathing apparatus and took a tentative breath. The air was surprisingly good; a little stale, maybe, but there was definitely enough oxygen for him to breathe on his own.

"That hurts, Tony," Lucas said, feigning a wounded look. "Are you trying to say I'm not cute?"

Tony eyed him for a second, smirking. "Not as cute as that blonde."

Chuckling, Lucas shook his head. Then he looked around the cavern they were in, his eyes widening. "Wow," he said, slowly spinning in place so that he could see everything, "they weren't kidding about this place being amazing."

Raising an eyebrow, Tony glanced around himself. "I guess."

"You guess?" Lucas shot Tony an incredulous look. "Come on, this place is great. Who knows what we're going to find down here?"

Tony snorted. "Man-eating plants, giant crocodiles, fire-breathing worms, or ancient Roman gods, knowing our luck," he muttered.

"Tony?" Lucas asked, his innocent tone clashing with the annoyed glint in his eyes.

Still grumbling, Tony glanced over in Lucas's direction. "What?"

"Shut up."

Tony let out a theatrical sigh. "Like I said, I'm a glorified baby-sitter."

Lucas slowly started to grin. "Well, it's not like you didn't do anything to deserve it," he said teasingly. "I mean, really, dumping a bucket of water on the captain's head . . . what were you thinking?"

"How as I supposed to know he'd go in that particular storage closet?" Tony asked, reaching up to run his fingers through his short hair. "Miguel's the only one who _ever_ uses it. I mean, that's why he takes all of his dates there. He knows that no one will ever disturb them there."

"Except this time," Lucas said, his grin widening.

Tony narrowed his eyes. "Except this time," he agreed slowly. "Why am I suddenly getting the feeling that you set me up?"

Lucas laughed. "Because you're paranoid?" he suggested.

"You knew what I was planning," Tony continued, ignoring him. "It was even your idea to use that closet in the first place." He stared suspiciously at him. "Not that the captain believed that part."

Lucas shrugged. "I refuse to confirm or deny anything," he said matter-of-factly. "And there weren't any witnesses."

"Except me," Tony muttered.

"Except you," Lucas agreed, his grin widening even more. "Of course, if you hadn't gotten caught red-handed, maybe the captain would have believed you."

The look on Tony's face grew even more suspicious. "Why was the captain there in the first place? He said that he was pla. . . ."

"I'm not admitting to anything, so stop fishing," Lucas cut in. "Now come on. We're here to explore, remember?"

Tony's suspicious expression faded into a wary one. "Seriously, who are you and what have you done with Lucas Wolenczak?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lucas shot him a dirty look.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "You think I'm kidding?" he asked. "I was starting to think you couldn't go more than a few feet from your computer without going into withdrawal."

Lucas rolled his eyes. "Just when I thought you couldn't be any more of a smartass, you prove me wrong."

Tony just kept staring at him.

There wasn't any sound in the cavern other than the sporadic drops of water falling from their wetsuits. Lucas reached down to fiddle with his gear as Tony folded his arms, still staring at him. As the seconds ticked by the silence grew more and more uncomfortable.

Lucas finally sighed. "Okay, maybe I did want a chance to get off the ship for awhile," he admitted reluctantly.

"I knew it," Tony said, starting to grin. Then he realized what he was doing and stopped, frowning. "But why did you get me involved? The captain told you last week that you could be on the exploration team."

"You've resorted to balancing buckets of water above doorways," Lucas said dryly. "Actions speak louder than words, remember?"

Tony stared at him blankly.

Lucas shook his head tiredly. "You'll figure it out eventually."

As Tony stared at him, Lucas looked around the cavern again.

"You have to admit, this is pretty awesome," Lucas said, not even trying to be subtle about changing the subject. He gestured around the cavern. "We're in a cave at the bottom of the ocean that, for some reason or another, _isn't_ filled with water. A cave that no one else has ever been in before."

Tony coughed. "Except for the commander, Brody, that hot blonde lieutenant, O'Neill, Ortiz, and everyone else in the other group that's around here somewhere."

A hint of exasperation appeared on Lucas's face. "Well, if you want to be technical," he said, waving his hand dismissively.

"Aren't you always technical?" Tony asked, winking.

Lucas rolled his eyes. Tony just laughed.

"Who knows?" Lucas said, smiling a little. "Maybe I'll surprise you."

Tony smirked. "There's _nothing_ you can do that would surprise me."

"Oh really?" Lucas asked. He slowly started to grin as he walked over to where Tony was standing, pausing just a few inches away from him.

After a few seconds, Tony's blasé expression faded a bit. He didn't move his gaze off of Lucas, suddenly looking slightly nervous at the close scrutiny he was getting. "What's with the grin?"

Without saying a word, Lucas leaned forward and grabbed Tony by the shoulders. His hands slid slightly on the still dripping wetsuit, but he managed a strong enough grip to hold Tony in place as he kissed him.

It wasn't a long kiss, barely more than a second. Lucas pulled away just as quickly as he had moved in the first place. Tony jerked in surprise, almost losing his balance as he gawked. He grabbed at the wall to steady himself, his gaze focused on Lucas.

"Come on," Lucas said, turning and starting to walk away. He glanced back over his shoulder after he made it a few meters. "We should catch up with the others. They've probably found those glow-in-the-dark eels by now."

Tony gaped at him, still not moving.

Lucas shook his head. "I thought nothing I could do would surprise you," he said, a mischievous light in his eyes.

At that, Tony shook his head and finally snapped back into the present. He moved away from the wall, striding over to where Lucas had paused. "I wasn't expecting you to kiss me!"

"Hey, you're the one who put out the challenge," Lucas said, holding up his hands in a gesture of peace.

Tony started to reply but stopped when a distant murmur suddenly filled the air.

Lucas frowned. "It sounds like the others are headed back this way," he said. "I guess they got tired of waiting for us. We better catch up."

"Yeah," Tony said, nodding distractedly, "but first things first."

At Tony's suddenly movement Lucas flinched, obviously expecting a blow. He made a surprised noise when, instead of hitting him, Tony kissed him. When Tony pulled away almost as quickly as Lucas had moments earlier, his face red, it was Lucas's turn to gape.

They stared at each other.

"Uh, now what?" Tony asked after a few seconds.

As the sound of voices coming their way grew even louder, Lucas slowly shrugged. "Right now, I think we better catch up with the others before they send out a search party." He paused for a moment before winking. "Once we get back to the ship, we can finish our . . . discussion."

Tony nodded. "Works for me," he agreed. "Just remember where we were."

"No problem there."


End file.
